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In The Land of Sandra Dee

 

Long ago and far away,
In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot.

Tie Dyed Star
There lived a race of innocents,
And they were you and me,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
Oh, there was truth and goodness
In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges,
And Peyton Place was porn.

Ike Eisenhower

For Ike was in the White House,
And Hoss was on TV,
And God was in his heaven
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We learned to gut a muffler,
We washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry
In circles on the lawn.

Walking in Poodle Skirt
And they could hear us coming
All the way to Tennessee,
All starched and sprayed and rumbling
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We longed for love and romance,
And waited for the prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz,
And no one's seen him since.

Tie Dyed Star
We danced to "Little Darlin'",
And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
And cried for Buddy Holly
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
Only girls wore earrings then,
And three was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts,
Except for Jean McKinney.

Tie Dyed Star
And only in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We fell for Frankie Avalon,
Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie,
They never made it twice.

Tie Dyed Star
We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
Or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
And Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat
Whose co-star was a chimp.

Ronald Reagan 40th President

We had a Mr. Wizard,
But not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We had our share of heroes,
We never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin,
Or Marilyn Monroe.

Tie Dyed Star
For youth was still eternal,
And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever,
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We'd never seen the rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,
And Zeppelins weren't Led.

Tie Dyed Star
And Beatles lived in gardens then,
And Monkees in a tree,
Madonna was a virgin
In the Land of Sandra Dee.
Monkey Resting In The Land of Sandra Dee
We'd never heard of Microwaves,
Or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed,
But they weren't grown in jars.
Telephone for cars

And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
And "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
We hadn't seen enough of jets
To talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at
The bottom of the bag.
Chipmonk eating chips

And Hardware was a box of nails,
And bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
Buicks came with portholes,
And side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough
To cover both your cheeks.

Tie Dyed Star
And Coke came just in bottles,
And skirts came to the knee,
And Castro came to power
In the Land of Sandra Dee.
Bottle cap

We had no Crest with Fluoride,
We had no Hill Street Blues,
We all wore superstructure bras
Designed by Howard Hughes.

Tie Dyed Star
We had no patterned pantyhose
Or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
There were no golden arches,
No Perriers to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda,
And cats were not called Bill.
Cat reaching for Fish

And middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three,
And ancient was our parents
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
But all things have a season,
Or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybeline
We swear by Retin-A.

Tie Dyed Star
And they send us invitations
To join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby,
From the Land of Sandra Dee.

Tie Dyed Star
So now we face a brave new world
In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using
Smaller print in magazines.

Tie Dyed Star
And we tell our children's children
of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee

 

 



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